How to Cure Apathy – Teal Swan –
Hello there. In today’s episode I’m going to be addressing apathy. We all have doubts in our lives of apathy where we feel hopeless about something. If this is the case, this episode will definitely help you. But I don’t like to scratch the surface, I like to swing to the fence, so I’m going to be gearing today’s episode toward people for whom apathy is more of a way of being. It’s that perpetual prison that you can get out of. Apathy is essentially the absences or suppression of enthuism, excitment passion and inspiration. Even though apathy is seen as lack of emotion, it is in fact anything, but people who are apathetic have plenty of emotion is just early on in life they learn that emotions, both positive and negative are not valid and are not OK and as a result, they rejected their entire emotional side, they disowned, suppressed, and denied their emotional self entirely. One of the problems with apathy as a result of suppressing your emotions. Is it emotions or your guiding system? That what’s leads you through your life and tells you what the right way or the wrong way is to go. The minute you dissociate from your emotions or you suppressed them or you deny them, you can no longer know which way to go, it’s like your compass has been broken. Also how are you supposed to know what is wanted or unwanted if you can’t feel or if you are not listening to your feelings. A monkey in laboratory cage is intrinsically motivated to solve the puzzle the act of doing it feels good. When we were young we have no problem following our feelings and that is intrinsic motivation to the ends of the earth but when someone that our survival depends on makes that selfishness or otherwise wrong, we suppress with emotion as well as the motivation basically the person who struggles with apathy has learned that it is not safe to want. Pretty soon we will have a motivational speakers. We don’t know what we want we are lost. If you are struggling with feeling lost with not knowing what you want in my benefit you might take a look in two of my videos on Youtube. The first is how to cover what you want the second is feeling lost in ten steps to becoming found. I want to peal back apathy for you and have you taken a look at actually what is beneath apathy? The root and its despair, despair being the ultimate state of powerlessness is the absolute absences of hope. It is the ultimate fall of discouragement, look back into your life and try to see when your started to lose hope. Recognise how you were discouraged you decided there was no way to win and there is not way have what you want and so the only option was to give up. Nothing will work. I have yet to meet a person who struggles with apathy whose childhood and teen-hood and then adulthood was not cursed on without the needs. What needs do not get met for you when you were younger better yet, why were you absolutely powerless to meet those needs? These unmet needs are really why people who struggle with apathy can’t trust the universe. We’re born trusting universe completely we’re traumatised into not trusting it and we only begin to trust the universe again when we start to experience our needs being met by the universe but we have to stop denying our needs and own up to them and give ourselves permission to go get them, for that to happen. Here is an example of what type of the situation in childhood might create apathy. Let’s say that a child is born into a family that really prioritizes family duty, instead of being born into a family where the children are seen as their own people the children will seen as an extension of the parents, so then lets say that that particular child develops an interest of dancing, but that particular trust is not aligned with the interests of the parents. What will happen is that instead of the parents validating that interest, they will invalidate the interest. They may for example say you’re not going to be doing that, I would like you to take math classes instead. So they enroll him in math classes. And if the child protests, they get shamed for the protest as well. They get told things like, you should be glad you have such an amazing family. They get told things like, you should be glad that you have more than most of the children on this planet have. Not only have the parents in that moment made an enemy of the positive emotional state the child had, they also make enemy of negative emotional state that the child has. They can do nothing. Their positive emotion isn’t right, their negative emotion isn’t right, they have to disown those emotions entirely. As the child cannot literally drive himself to dance class, and cannot put food on his plate, there is no way for him to meet his need. Also his need for love is not being met, and his need for encouragement is not being met, and his need for validation is not being met, and his need for significance is not being met, and his need for certainty is not being met, and his need for growth is not being met. Basically, his only option to try get any of his needs met is to in fact please his parents in any way he can, so he abandons himself completely. He literally lives his life for them, but to do this he must suppress any other emotion within himself, until the only one that remains is in fact despair. But he tries to suppress and deny that final feeling, and when he succeeds in making that feeling a subconscious one, what he feels is a pessimistic numbness, he becomes depressed. This is why apathy is one of the main symptoms of depression. The self abandonment that is also the causal origin of apathy is also why apathy is a symptom of anxiety as well. The apathetic person does not feel safe with himself or herself because, he or she has already demonstrated that they do not have the wrong best interest that hurt. Most people who are apathetic have suppressed all trying and striving within themselves because it was dangerous thing to strive there were either told what they want or what they were striving for was selfish or they were ashamed for having that particular interest, or they were told that they could to achieve it or there is a sought of limit toward what they can achieve and so they would fail, they were raised by discourages, shames and the fittest, so they learned that it was not safe to try and not safe to strive. They learned that itr was safe to conform to what was wanted of you because then good. They also learn that it’s safe to not strife because if you never strife, you never have to fail and meet with abandonment, being criticized or being worthless. It also must be said to those of us who struggle with apathy, have an amazing ability to destruct ourselves when life feels hopeless and life feels meaningless and doesn’t feel like we can get out of this situation no matter what we do, then we have two options really. The first option is to take our own minds by suicide, the second option is to distract ourselves in our lives that we are really living. We develop addictions, some of these addictions are fairly overt like to drugs, others are coverts like to reading, to the internet or to porn. Basically we do whatever we can to sub-date the emotion, so what should you do do if you’re apathetic. The very first thing is that we have to decide whether we’re more committed to death or more committed to life. The reality is, if we’re apathetic, we’re actually committing passive suicide. Instead of living our entire life stuck in a state of living death, we honestly have to decide whether we’re going to commit a life or not. Let me remind you that death isn’t wrong so make this decision based on the truth that you want instead of what you think is right or want. If you decide you want to live then you need to commit your life. Throw all of yourself in that direction two, stop destructing yourself, destructing yourself is a form of passive suicide, what you’re essentially doing is making your life meaningless, you’re not really living it, you’re also on an emotional level doing the same thing to yourself, as a parent does when they walk into the other room and get on the internet destruct themselves from a crying baby in the other room who’s crying because it needs to be fed or loved or changed. When you feel tempted to destruct yourself, turn in the opposite direction and give your attention instead to the feeling that you’re trying to sedate, that feeling, that pain, needs unconditional love and caring attention. Shortcut your habits. If you’ve a problem getting addicted to TV and that’s your route of destruction then disconnect your cable service, do whatever you need to do to make it so that you can’t escape yourself and you’ve to be present with yourself instead. Three, the emotional which needs help is despair, so all of your psychological worker, great amount of it and your emotional processing needs to be around that particular feeling and the belief patterns associated with it which are creating despair. The problem about to despair, if you don’t deal with the despair directly then any action you take will still be coming from a place of despair and will not manifest positive results because of it, so if you continue with all these other steps that I’m about to give you without dealing with that route course of despair your attempts to solve this apathy issue will in fact result into despair, will be just one more reason to feel like you can’t do it one more discouragement one more reason that you feel hopeless. Four, anger is your very best friend you need to get in touch with your anger, you need express your anger, you need to get angry. Anger is in fact a vibrational improvement upon and as despair is the root cause is the root cause of apathy, and despair being of course powerlessness anger is the from that place. If you want to know more about anger, you can look up my YouTube video titled, How to deal with anger. Step five, start feeling your emotions, you have tuned out to your emotional guiding system a long time ago so you have to tune back in. Start to feel for the sensations that have happening within your body as a result of your day to day life. For example if you’re watching movie check in with yourself through out the course of the movie even pausing the movie to do it. To fell what sensations are occurring within your body. After you felt these sensations without judging them, try to put words to the sensations like heavy, crashing, cold, buzzing e. T. C. Once you’ve become familiar with the sensations try to identify specific feeling. To do these, it’s helpful to carry a small feeling journal and set your timer to go off at interpoles throughout the day. Whenever the time off, turn your attention, slide your body to see what you’re feeling. Write down in your journal the sensations and also the name of the feeling if you can identify it. For example buzzing imploding in the chest, anxiety. You also want to make use of situations in your life that evoke powerful emotions. So for example, say that your boss fires you. That’s the perfect time to, instead of just adhereing to the ten minutes intervals or hour long intervals at which you have to check in with yourself, you can check in when that occurs, when you get fired. Something super extreme happens to pay attention to what that feels like within your body that needs to go on this journal as well. Six, you have to start following your positive emotions, and you have to start taking action as a result of following those emotions. This will be really rocky at first until you get your bearings back, and you will have to start trying new things. If you know what interests you or what causes you to feel the positive emotions you’re way ahead of the game. It would be easier for you to think of things to do and actions to take, but for most people who struggle with apathy they have lost touch with what even interests them, and with what causes them to feel good. So, if you’re this kind if person, you have to try all kinds of new things. You have to see that action changes the way you feel and is capable of bringing about improvement. You aren’t lazy, bored, unmotivated or even apathetic, these are just symptoms they don’t define you as person any more than a headache defines who you are. When you are feeling apathetic, movement is just what the doctor ordered. Now that may make you a little bit nervous because you don’t know what way is right to take action, but you’re not going to know which way is right because you’re tuned out to your emotional guidance system. So any change, any movement in your life is actually going to be a benefit. You’re going to have to be OK with the idea that taking action will give you more information emotionally about what’s right for you or not, and if you keep making enough of those decisions, eventually you’re going to be finding the right path for yourself. Some ideas about actions you could take are making yourself go to the gym, getting a volunteering for something, signing up for a class, moving to a different city, taking a small journey going on a retreat, letting a friend take you a long vacation, going to therapy ect. The most important thing is that you will have to shake you life up. Make little shifts and big shifts routine and monotony are your enemies at this point put yourself in situations that don’t feed your apathy, once you get more clear about what you actually do like it would be easier to pick something and really focus on that thing. 7. Notice positivity everyday. You’re in a space where you don’t feel joy, you’ve lost your enthusiasm [xx] for life. You’ve largely negative focus. You’ve to remind yourself that there’s actually value to this life. You do this by focusing on positive aspects past, present and future. List your good memories. For example, one of my good memories has then galloping a horse across the field. I want to put that down. But I also want to put down the elements that made it so that like that thing. So for example galloping a horse across the field, I may like the freedom in that. I may like the freedom in that. I may like that feeling of being untouchable. I might like the calm I felt with the horse. List things about now that you love, maybe I love the warm feeling of my covers. Maybe I love city that I live in or at least the flowers I drive by on my way to work. Little things and big things. Those things that you can look forward, either five minutes from now, an hour from now, tomorrow or a year from now taking a bath, maybe I’m looking for something I’m about to do this weekend, you want to put anything on this list that causes you to feel positive emotion when you feel particularly stuck go back to this list and read them it will re-inspire your commitment to life. Eight look back over this positive least especially at the elements that you said you like to buy those things and try to figure out ways in your life right now that you could facilitate those particular elements or the expression of them for example if I like the feeling rotary I felt by riding a horse I could either ride a horse again or I could attend a local seminar where I think like minded people might congregate and I can talk to people there and form connections with them, a good manner of your life purpose is in fact revealed on the things you love to do when you were young and the elements of things you love doing. Nine, approach this with the beginners mind if you feel as if you have no hope, then you have given up. So my advice is to give up and start over from scratch it’s super beneficial to wipe this light clean that means start looking your life as if you have never actually lived it before, it doesn’t matter how many times you’ve eaten an apple, eat your apple from the perspective that you have never done it before I like to teach people of tender their [xx] and they’re on vacation on this planet, in my house or in my city or in my world. What would I appreciate about this? what would the experience with it be like for me. Most importantly, what do I want to experience? And then I go do those things or I tell people who are doing this sites to go to those things. You may have been married to someone for five years, but what is the experience of being around this person like, if you have never met them before. If we feel despair we can wipe this late plain start from scratch adopt the perspective that we are starting from squire one all over again in getting to this world for the very first time. 10, don’t expect yourself to try to believe that everything is going to work out, that everything is going to be okay and you are going to be able to deal with what you want to do, it’s awful, to do that to yourself and you never going to be able to just cause your so to feel hope when in fact you feel hopeless, so I want you to do these things for a different reason I want you to do them because, it doesn’t matter, whether it’s going to work out anything, it’s better than the state of stagnancy, where you are right now. anything is better than this living dough and be patient with yourself. It takes years for people in your life to run you this far of course, you are not going to get back on of course one day but it makes correction you make get you much closer, don’t quench because up and notice that you are not very yet. It is safe want, of you struggle with empathy you will learn that it isn’t, but remember that children who are raised in bigger household believes it wasn’t safe to interact with black people so just because you have grown up believing something does not mean that it is true, you came to this life to want and to follow your and your expansion, you came to this life to fill otherwise you could not know what you want, and your feelings are right it is not your fault that the first validated your positive and negative feelings. It is not your fault that self centered people in your past discouraged you and rejected who you are. You abandoned yourself to them it was genius strategy to do that because it caused you to survive then, but it is also killing you now. You have every right to feel complete despair. Anyone in your situation would feel complete despair and has every right to feel like they could be in pain for the rest of their lives. But it is also your choice from this point forward to succumb to that and just try and prove them right or to prove them wrong by taking hold of the master of your ship and following your own star. Have a good week.