Arranged Marriage x Love Marriage | Crossroads Ep 2

Arranged Marriage x Love Marriage | Crossroads Ep 2


Hi my name is Rati Girish I am 37 years old can you believe it Hi I am Janvi I am 32 years old I work as a consultant and I’ve been a Mumbaikar, excited to be here I’m an independent writer, voice over artist, a mom to 2 human beings and one four legged being So I just wanted to hear somebody else
talk about a subject that I don’t really think about anymore I’m just as honest as I can be and like I said I love being on camera and talking about stuff so ya that works in my favour What’s your love story? So once I turned 25 my dad started putting out these ads on these websites So it’s a very professional setup so we had these magazines and it just passed on from one family to another And you’ve got these horoscopes in there you’ve got you know, wanted bride wanted groom that sort of thing that’s how you know his rishta give to my house long story short we first met in June and we were
married in Jan Oh wow! So mine is not really a very straight forward love story but I mean there’s a little bit of twist because I actually knew my husband
when I was a kid Janam janam ka saath! So I was in Spain I was doing my PhD and I had put out this Facebook post with said I wish there was some food here which had spice in it because I’m kinda tired of eating the same thing over and over again So he sent me message because he used to live in Spain and sent me a message saying “Hey you know what I know a few places that you may actually like” and that’s how we started talking So it’s like a long-ish love story Ya it’s a long-ish love story! How did your friends and family
react to your decision? This is a good one So I was in the middle of my PhD and the first question my mum asked is What about your PhD? And my parents also were really happy because they knew that I was happy and that I’d made a choice that I felt very confident about So when I announced that this is the person I was going to marry Two of my closest friends were in a relationship at that time you know with their respective husbands and they were like But you don’t know him! But are you sure? And he’s so far away and you haven’t even met him Is this going to be right for you? Are you sure? How do you know? And I just said, “I don’t” But I was met with a lot of “Are you sure?”s But of course now years later things have changed Of course they have. And how! And how! I chose this because You guess, I chose, to have a love marriage because… I guess this is a layered answer I mean yes I chose to be with my life partner but even arranged marriages are a choice I mean they’re not forced marriages as sometimes how Western culture see arranged marriages I think everybody has a choice but there is
also an element of things falling in place when they do So we were raised, my sister and I we were raised saying you know This is what’s going to happen, you’re going to be 25, we’re going to start looking out for you So you grow up like that and it becomes this sort of ego thing for your parents My daughter listened to me and had an arranged marriage Found the guy that we chose for her
that sort of thing So it was just at that point in time it was just like ya OK go ahead do whatever you want And even when you’re having and arranged marriage it’s not like your dad and mom chose somebody for you And they’re like ya that’s the guy you gotta marry I must have seen like 45 profiles, met 20+ men Untill I finally found the one I want to marry so it’s not like pretty much like you could say I saw 20 people had a conversation with them met them for coffee they just didn’t seem right but suddenly this person comes along and you’re like OK there’s something here and you wanna explore The biggest hurdle I’ve had to face is So I think it was a more mental thing So the funny thing is, so the Tamil Brahmin community 90% of the grooms are in the US and that was a country I did not want to go to so when I found one was living in Germany I said “Oh somebody who chose a different country” I said “Oh wow! Travel Europe” so we did all of that and we were in Germany for a year Before we got an offer to move to the US At that point in time it was more “I have to be in India my career my career my
career” That was my identity sort It was sort of who I was and just to break that and to take this leap into something completely unknown and in the last 10 years do stuff that you know I’m actually could add more than what I had studied to do you know so I was trained to do this It’s just been amazing so to get over that mental block, that was a big hurdle So the biggest hurdle for us was the long
distance because we both had you know competing professional priorities at that point and we realised that this is something that we just have to power through My lowest low has been The lowest low was when was when I found out that I had to move back to Spain right after we got married I think it was a really low point when I found out my advisor was really sick and I was like Finally we get to be together in the same place but in 2 months I had to pack my bags and leave Especially when you have an arranged marriage everyday is sort of a
learning process because you’ve basically just corresponded on email and phone and text before When you’re finally living with that person you’re like Oh he’s not as clean as I thought he would be and he’s not you know tidy and he doesn’t know how to cook and he hates whatever, something that you love And just a lot of this initial a lot of friction
initially like the first month we must have just had so many of these like small little fights And at the end of that month I was just like “Ok this has gotta stop” you know “We’re here, we’re away from family there’s nobody I can complain to and” So that was like a really low point at that time if I can remember it correctly and it’s just And we just had a conversation saying “Listen we’ve got to start getting to know each other, we’ve got to start working off of each other’s strengths and sort of build each other up because if we want this to work it’s gonna have to be like that because literally we’re all that we have My greatest high has been… Wow! So I think the greatest high has been that we’ve been able to connecton such a level with three of our kids We have a dog and two sons and they are our greatest joys because
we just we always see eye to eye when it comes to those three I don’t know how we don’t agree on anything else but we see eye to eye when it’s those three and it’s just weird because it shouldn’t be that way I don’t know how it just shouldn’t work out that way but it has and it’s just such a high when have these, so we celebrate parenting wins now and its been a journey from getting to where we were, the lowest low to just celebrating the three of our kids It’s ya I would say that’s a high I guess for us for it’s travelling the world together I think that’s been awesome I remember so I was in South America on a fellowship and he visited me in Kuko and we went to machu Picchu together So that was like literally high We’ve been to these really cool restaurants after having researched so much and had these experiences together you know which is which makes like we have these pictures from all these different places and I’m like Oh My God I feel like you know it’s nice to have your best friend be a participant of something fun so we’ve been there for each other when we are having our own individual highs which is fabulous One thing I was wrong about I was wrong about everything I was wrong about the way in which I thought a love marriage would be meaning that I thought everything will
be hunky dory and in that you know I will be like all sing and dance I don’t have I guess I had the wrong expectation in general about marriage so I was wrong about that However I was right about the fact that
if you find the right person and you trust each other you are able to you know get
through so much together What was I wrong about? I guess it would be my whole idea of living, what would my in-laws would expect I was brought up to think that these are the expectations a daughter-in-law has in on her and these are the things that she’s got to do and you gotta be a certain way and you got to be this that that’s wrong, my in-laws are great It’s nothing like what I thought I was supposed to be doing you know that was one big thing And other than that I just thought it would be a lot more effort lot more work to be put into this and it hasn’t been. It’s just been us making our own rules as we go and you know, living by our own stuff and doing what is comfortable for us
and not really caring about what everybody else is thinking If you could switch places would you? Ya why not ya I mean so you know, why not? Your story is just amazing if it that could happen to me, why not? I absolutely think love marriages don’t have sometimes is this idea of compromise You know I think I guess I never mentioned this before but the truth is that every marriage is a compromise whether it’s love arrange whatever other different tags you want to give it you have to compromise for the other individual which is you’re married and I think that’s something that I wish someone had told me What do you envy about the person sitting in front of you? I guess, I don’t envy but I really admire your clarity of thought I just like the fact that you are able to clearly articulate a lot of things I really admire that Wow! Thanks ya I mean I often feel like I don’t have clarity of thought so that’s good that somebody else is seeing it in me I mean, South America, Spain, the US Bay area where have you not been, you know? The very fact that you know you were able to have that strength of your relationship to say To have that long distance relationship that’s that’s fantastic, I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to do that So early on in your realtionship to have that strength to do it and to travel these different countries with him to be travelling with your best friend that’s such a lovely thing to say My choice makes me feel… My choice makes me feel, I mean I’ve married 10 years so my choice makes me feel now that I’m glad I made it you know? Anything could have gone wrong with my choice as well but 10 years down the line I think it was one of the best things that I did And I just went for it on a gut feeling and ya I’m just glad I did So I guess I feel that it’s I feel very fortunate that he and I have a connection where we are able to kind of talk to each other is friends when things
are not going well and talk to each other and share really fun things with each other because you know we are each other’s best friends So this was fun wasn’t it, Janvi? It was a total ball I didn’t know what to expect coming in like Rati it was awesome connecting with you, getting to know your story and ya I think that it’s two women connecting and you know kind of sharing Did you think that you know arranged marriage could have this much romance in it? Absolutely, I always knew that Romance is between two people Type of marriage has nothing to do with it I was just so much fun to have this chat Vitamin Stree has been, it’s been fun Matchmaker

Comments

(66 Comments)

  • Poushali Kundu

    Love VITAMIN STREE ….they give the content I crave for!! Everytime! ! Never fails! ! And I love the loads of efforts you put in your sketches

  • Devendra Tripathi

    Just Love your content 😍

  • Dhwani Tripathi

    the feminist content we deserve!

  • Priyaa7885

    Me wanting… Love cum Arrange marriage
    You get your own dream partner and at the same time you dont upset your parents.

    The ugly truth …We dont get it what we think of.

  • Mithila Choudhari

    Excellent content. Amazing ideas. Good job!

  • DOVE LOVE

    It's really very lovely , listing 2 different sides without being judgemental ♥️.

  • Nitisha Mehta

    Nice content

  • Adwiteeya Parashar

    Love marriage all the way

  • Anish Sah

    Hey love your vedios but can you make a vedio about why gender equality indices are based on gender binaries

  • bunny 703

    Iam gonna share this with all of my friends and relatives.♥️ed it.Looking forward for many other crossroads.

  • Makhni G

    The 37 yr old is hving very big features!!

  • rashmi aich.

    You guys are brilliant.

  • Sanskruti Rajpure

    This channel never fails to amaze me. My favourite channel and series so far.

  • Ananya Swaminathan

    Good content.

  • sha15 11

    Most underrated channel on YouTube, you deserve SO much more

  • Saanvi

    Lady in the sari has features similar to nandita das! Both girls are very elegant and conduct themselves well, very civil. Also how respectful they are towards each other and it's nice to see them actually listening to each other. Thank you for this!

  • Nischay Malhotra

    This channel is criminally underrated, it's damn good content, you'll get the recognition you deserve soon enough 💝

  • Kalpana Kushwaha

    Can you please make a video on homeless women dealing with periods.

  • Blake ducan

    Man!! Janvi literally looks like me

  • akshay kr

    I don't want to be a Debby Downer but there's a totally dark side to arrange marriages that sadly, in 2020 still exists in India. It might not happen in most families in cities like delhi and mumbai but sadly in parts of india, young people are forced to marry based on parent's choice alone, caste and all sorts of nonsense.

  • Kantha Choudhary

    Great stuff !
    True…. compromise is needed in both love r arranged marriage….👌

  • Deepannita Kundu

    Stay at home mom and working woman ! Next ep Please!

  • Durga shankar

    Two strong women having a strong conversation…this is the real 21st century…this is progress.

  • jyoti ogennavar

    Absolutely amazing video ❤❤❤eagerly waiting for your next one

  • Kanchan Pandey

    Why this background music???.. Pretty annoying🤥

  • Aneesha Johnson

    Marry when you are ready for a companion.

  • Mahima Ajay

    Such a good conversation between two wonderful women. ❤️

  • Eunice Lyng

    I love how she said "3 kids" 2 boys and a dog💕

  • madhuri bhadoria

    I like the line….we hv 3 kids…2 sons n my dog…seriously too good…its like when someone lives with u whether it is animal or human…it is our family….

  • Anandi Gusai

    I am looking for this great content

  • Rnvs Aparna

    Love and Respect 🥰

  • Nandini Chowdary

    I don't know but I found this whole interview is a little awkward …like sitting infront of a complete stranger and explaining things..eww

  • Ankita

    That music is disturbing , cool video though

  • Srishti Gupta

    The background music is a pain ! Their conversation is fab though !

  • aarushi chaudhary

    Good concept….but in my opinion maybe these women are from high class background…by high class I mean high encome household and they live in urban areas….the condition of middle and lower background are drastically different from them in both cases…. I don't think that what they said was realistic….this is the story of maybe some 10-15% households which are more educated or for the lack of a better word privileged (not to offend anyone)….as a women from middle class rural household I don't think that that's how I would describe love or arrange marriage….again good concept but next time please include the view of more middle or lower background…..I love your videos…they are very informative….this is the first video I have slight disagreement with…other than this good job👍👍

  • Tuliip Biswas

    I guess I need a psychiatrist cuz I'm so scared of marriages.

  • Chandini Kuppili

    Thanx for the video ….this proved me wrong about the wrong misconceptions about marriage and most arrange marriage

  • # dash

    Arranged marriage.. met in june 2019.. married in jan 2020

  • Rachiyata Dhanvijay

    Okay not every person having an arranged marriage has a choice !

  • Pankhuri Ranjan

    What a wholesome watch! <3

  • fun Mântra

    WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!! Sucha classy & lovely video! Lovely women! Please make more of such videos! I subscribed 2days ago & I'm absolutely loving vitamin stree❤❤❤

  • kriti tripathi

    Mrs Rati Girish (the one in an arranged marriage) resembles this lovely actress Nandita Das.
    Good content. Keep it up!

  • Janice Moriarty

    Dr. Ambedkar says that if you're really really anti-Caste you should never ever do arrange marriage.

  • shivangi shukla

    Superb content

  • Poonam Tiwari

    Sorry but i just want to know that if it's just me Or she really looks like priyanka chopra . Little bit from facial features

  • nidhi kini

    "Romance is between two people. The type of marriage has nothing to do with that." Hah! So true..

  • taetae's noona

    She said 3 kids n I cried… So sweet

  • anu 99

    That lady looks like nanditha das

  • r m

    Almost all women are heterosexual. 😑🤮

  • Be Kind

    Jeans lady having good listening skills and giving respect. With no attitude. I really liked this yellow jacket lady.

  • F M

    No in-laws problem to anyone, seriously… Upper class advantage
    In middle class there are Soo many nakhras.

  • Manoja Billa

    Arrange marriage is best choice

  • Queen Kd

    Stop the BG music!!!!!.

  • prathyusha dasari

    The 32 yr old consultant looks older than the 37 old writer. This clearly shows the toll it takes from our stressful jobs.

  • elva136

    Do one on inter religion vs intra religion.. I dare you!

  • 17 Carats #LateWithLilly

    12:26 I love how the cushion in the middle is smiling.

  • neha pal

    I dont know why nobody is talking about it…bt she doesnt look like 37 at all

  • K S

    My parents had a typical arrange marriage and they had very bad times financially but they were always there for each other till my father passed way.

  • Ruhin Sandhi

    I feel its nothing about arrange or love marriage…its about the mutual undrstndin respect n priorities … Both the person needs to understnd ..now there journey will b diffrnt and u have to give everyday something..

  • Raj

    Interview was lovely but the part where she says "Tamil Brahmin community" is extremely noxious. What was the point of the mention even?

  • P Jain

    PLEASE DON'T PUT BACKGROUND MUSIC !

  • Prongs

    It depends upon how much privilege and luck you have because you need both to have a happy arranged marriage. Or you can gaslight yourself and tell yourself that you're happy and call serious problems "compromise" n adjust to them instead of leaving. Entirely up to you. Love marriage CAN possibly succeed and weather lack of both of the above if push comes to shove. For real. Like if it's that enduring kind of love. And you usually only end up marrying in a love marriage after making sure that your relationship is that strong. And you can live together and grow old together n all. Arranged marriage there's no way of making sure first. No live-in trial run. N the first few years of marriages are the hardest. And in love marriage you can raise your first kid(pet in India) and test living together and essential being pre-married. N you can do it regardless of privilege and supportive liberal parents because the lack of those makes it (WAY)harder, not impossible. Arranged marriage doesn't have that option at all. And SO MANY more arranged marriages are abusive and women are stuck in them statistically in India than love marriages. Because of factors like casteism n ageism and family pressure and misogyny in our culture. In an ideal equality n equity utopic world or world of uppercaste upperclass privilege n liberalism on both sides, the views in this video are borderline realistic. Otherwise in the real world, no. And arranged marriages as an institution still perpetuate casteism and classism and misogyny, no matter how liberal and privileged, it's just that at the height of privilege it seems very benign because you're empowered to feel like you had a choice in the matter. Also, THE SHEER NUMBER OF INDIAN WOMEN who would realise and come out as LGBTQIA+ if not brought up so steeped in misogynist heteronormativity… Because the huge chunk of us aren't liberated and empowered enough to even be educated enough to know what's OUR preference and sexuality. Usually it's not considered as a valid factor. Only the elite(three meals a day, guaranteed choice of SOME form of higher education or career after 12th standard level of financial security n above and general category caste n above) women of India have the ACCESS to empower themselves with info. I generally LOVE your content. I sometimes click 'like' BEFORE I'm done watching because I know you churn out quality content. This one did not meet your usual bar of INTERSECTIONAL feminism, @Vitamin Stree.

    Edit: Just trying to say that in the current sociopolitical environment of India(and probably the kind for at least the next decade), we need as much checking n trial runs and options to make sure of what we're getting into. That should be our effort. Because already a societal force to force us to conform exists. Resistance to that and asserting oneself is necessary. Jumping into an arranged marriage blind to what living with your husband(not heteronormative, just the only legal option for women in India rn regardless of what rainbow capitalism Bollywood movies like to tell you) will be like n what kind of a dad he'll make and how you'll tag team the responsibility of another life depending on you, whether you both want kids at all, etc. is a luxury only those privileged(n not empowered) enough to have the option of leaving such a marriage if it becomes abusive or unsustainable can afford. And even those women will face the brunt of such a fall out way worse than the guy. Erring on the side of caution is good. Of course it would be "un-feminist" or something to say that the choice of arranged marriage is bad just like we don't say the choice of choosing traditionally feminine gender roles are bad. No. Feminism means freedom of choice. Even to be submissive. But this video paints a very happy picture. One that people without enough privilege do not have as much access to. It might mislead women into a false sense of security. Positivity is great. Caution in our world is necessary for survival. It is what it is. We need coping mechanisms in the meanwhile to deal with the snail pace of changing the whole system. Love marriage provides more opportunities for safety nets and plan Bs n trials n caution before marriage. More freedom of consent. Also choices beyond caste n class barriers unless you're a bigot.

  • PRIYANSHU SHARMA

    19 and enjoying two women talk 😂

  • priyal dwivedi

    Thank God that I discovered Your Channel.. Now relieved that Atleast we have People like You who are so Independent.. And have Freedom of Thoughts in the True Sense.. ☺

  • Love Quotes

    Arrange marriage is like that in so many parts of India, even today dear. Not everyone has the right to see 20 men and reject them. It's very different in so many cases.

  • Akanksha

    Bechdel Test- check. :")

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